get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
