I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He kissed a someone with a penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
