why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
