Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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