Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
