unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
