the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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