Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
