Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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