forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
