Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
