it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
