Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
