Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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