i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
