The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
