clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
