I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
