I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
