It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
