U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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