He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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