so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
