I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
