the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
