I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
