Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
