put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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