Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
