dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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