Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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