I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
