He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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