Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
