God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
