i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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