i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
