one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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