Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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