you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
