i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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