just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
