Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
