I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
