I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
