I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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