What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
