to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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