It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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