hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
